happy new year!

weheartit

may 2010 bring you all you wish for and more!!!

♥

you're in my head

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i would rather be alone

roc21

This was written a year ago, but I still fight with myself: Love, or no love? Destroy myself, or fix it?

I have never known love.
I have never been held by somebody who said
“We fit together”.
There has never been another
And that is fine.
I can’t live up to someone’s standards
And I can’t give more than I can take
Of my heart to only one.
There isn’t a part of me
That I can let ache
Because I need him by me.
It means I'm not sure I can be faithful.
I can’t give up drinking, and messing myself up,
Until I am tangled and bent.
It is my art, and it is an instinct
To remain convoluted and tormented.
It’s not a burden I can lay on someone without guilt.
Everyone is shallow to some extent,
And unless he is beautiful superficially,
I won’t be able to step out holding his hand.
Walk, head held high,
Telling the crowd that yes, he is mine
And I am his.
There are parts of me I love,
Slender ankles, fragile eyes,
But too many that I hate.
So it is impossible to believe someone
Who tells me that I am deadly
Beautiful,
Until those parts are blotted out, fixed.
I will continue to deal with anorexia and depression,
States that will always threaten to asphyxiate me
And I understand these are things that most people can’t understand.
This sort of continual struggle
Which I let creep beneath my thoughts
Every single fucking day.
Parts of me that are locked away,
Quietly pushed to the furthest corners
Under the bed
Shamefully.
There are dreams of coffee in the morning,
Cigarettes after sex,
Fingers down my back,
And falling asleep on his lap.
But I am unsure of what to say, and how to act
So he won’t feel oppressed or worse
Unloved.
I swing between extremes,
And there is no in between.
I live explosively, and that’s not something
Easily accepted.
Terrified of all these rules and warnings
And reining back,
I would rather be alone.

-i'd like to remain anonymous.

eaten alive by it

just bears + adorechic

it's difficult to love yourself.

thanks lizzie!

i dream of you sometimes…

kenichihoshine

I dream of you sometimes
Yearning for your image to exist outside my mind
Hoping that it will only be a matter of time
Before we meet and allow our eyes to speak
Knowing more then what our eyes can see
Patiently waiting to begin our destiny
This is where my soul will lead
Letting go of the thoughts of your physique
So that I can see through
Wanting to explore
Deep into the truth
Knowing that you are because he already knew
That I was the rib to fit inside of you
No other will ever do
See we never had to choose
He never asked us to
He just wanted us to trust and believe
That I'm for you and you're for me
I'm just waiting for this to be
A sudden sigh
As I drift off to sleep
Dwelling in my unconscious mind
I dream of you sometimes…

-kendall

i dreamed about her all night.

ffffound

i met her in a kitchen, she was visiting a friend of mine. my sunny california.
they had been friends since they were 6 and were both far from home. i often think about destiny, if it even matters.
things that happens happens, we meet the people we meet.
and i met her that evening.

a few hours later we were getting ready for a night out on the town. we were almost 10 people who were going out and she was one of them.

there were no delayed glances, no glitter or fireworks. i dont know if i even looked at her during the evening.
we took the train to town and she ended up sitting next to me.
' i heard you just broke up with your girlfriend, so you are into girls? ' she asked.
i nervously started to separate my curls with my fingers.
she held my arm when we were walking to the club, danced beside me, sat beside me on the way home.
i didn't really think of it so much.

03.00 in the morning. I hear her steps in the corridor, she just wanted to say good night. her smile lights up the corridor.

12.00, she knocks on the door. wants me to join for breakfast.
she eats noodles in a cup and it makes me laugh, she wears knitted clothes and curls up in the sofa. she listens and answers, i smile and laugh.
her eyes is like burned almond, her skin is like whipped cream. when she speaks it's like vanilla for my ears, strawberries for my tongue.
i dreamed about her all night.

16.30 the day after she takes the flight back to manchester. we didn't even say goodbye.
' that just means that you have to visit me in california soon ' she says.
i set my clock to london-time and wonders if this is how it should feel.

-k

trapped inside my brain

weheartit

I have never tasted love.

I have never been blessed with the true feeling of love. I've always felt like an outcast in that way. Placed beside the world of loving individuals. Like it's not meant for me. You see, I'm a dreamer. And in my dreams I'm head over hills in love and it's mutual. Unfortunately, this makes me an observer. I observe everything and everyone around me, and the importance of my own actions fails. It's like I'm trapped inside my brain and completely unable to... do life. I think I'm in love with the thought of being in love, how cliché it may sound. And I don't want to wait forever. Maybe I'm just gonna have to accept it. Maybe there is this insignificant number of all the billion people on earth, who just aren't supposed to fall in love...

/L

♥ puppy

but you always wake up.

coupdegrace

On the morning I woke up and didn't crumble back into my bed, consumed with the overwhelming need to cry until I fell back asleep, I flirted with the idea that maybe I had gotten over him. That there was a small chance I had concluded one phase of grieving and moved on to the next; a more subtle type of pain that was numbing in his absence.

When he stopped showing up in my dreams, relief that I was no longer plagued by him and sadness that he was gone filled my heart and took up residence as a pseudo replacement - if he couldn't be around then at least I had this fabricated dichotomy to placate me.

A week before his car collided head on with a truck, a message was sent to him in sarcasm, masking (displaying) hurt and annoyance at his slacking communication. A week plus one day later, when I received the phone call, the only regret I can lay claim to in life was sending that message. Famous last words.

Of course, in death - as he always did in life, in the life I knew of him as my friend - he appeared again in sleep. This time reassuring me that everything was okay. In another, I received the same call - he had died all over again, and the hysteria seeped back in.

In the best one, he was standing in front of me - stunned and unbelieving of what I was seeing - that same disarming grin worn proudly on his face; look at me, I'm alive. And he was.

But you always wake up.

-S

you lost me.

~nuozek

The last night i spent with you, i laid in your bed huddled next to you, desperate for warmth. Not from the room, or the temperature, but from the body laying next to me already fast asleep as if nothing in the world was troubling them. I, on the other hand, stared wide eyed into the foggy bedroom, watching the fan blades spin around and around in one motion over and over. Just like us. A repeat. I felt the silence, i felt the space between us - it felt like a house was wedged between us even though essentially all but two or three inches separated us. That was the last night i spent with you, next to you, a part of you.

The next morning something set you off. Something stupid, something that was never worth the fight and that's when the real you started seeping out. The anger, the refusal to communicate, the distance, everything I hated about you that turned the one i love into something so ugly. You told me it was over and I couldn't believe it. Wait, yes i could. Because secretly i had been trying to work up the nerve to leave you. Unfortunately you beat me to it, you had never been on to try to make it work and that's where you fooled me.

Rewind back to seven months ago when I received that message from you that brought all my hard work and progress crumbling to pieces. You had me pinned in this exact situation before. After three years of love you gave up on us, and now after a year of me gaining strength, of FINALLY getting over you...you want me back. I had consecutive dreams where you would return to me, and strong like a soldier i would turn you away in the coldest way possible, just like you had been to me. But in real life the story was incredibly different. I fell for that boy all over again. My mistake, as i would later learn. You lured me in with a new attitude, a new person, with words that convinced me you would try this time around and that you really cared. Jokes on me i suppose. It lasted for a few weeks, but your facade began to deteriorate ever so subtly until finally I was stuck in a loveless relationship. I would oogle at the couples out in public, the ones that couldn't get enough of each other, the ones that didn't care what other people though, the ones who were just mad about eachother and i'd compare it to our meaningless love. You wanted so much space, too much space. We were ten minutes apart yet i'd see you only a few days out of the week and hear form you once a day. You never did anything nice for me, never went out of your way to say you loved me, nothing. But yet i stood by you, i took this, and i thought maybe if i were different, you would love me.

You see, i was different. It was you that was never different. So you left me again, and i begged, but only because i don't give up. You do. You are weak, and you can look at the girl who stands before you with tears running freely asking for something out of you, anything at all, and laugh, but at least i know how to love and that is something you will never know. So here i go. I'm letting go completely this time. I'm growing without you. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. It'll be harder than before but easier in the long run. I deserve better than you. I am better than you. And i will build myself up, i will fall in love with myself, so that next time you come around I'm strong enough to not make the same mistake twice.

You lost something amazing. You lost me.

-K

♥

weheartit

i can't

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i can't. i can't i can't i can't.
i can't do this anymore. its going to kill me. i just can't. i need to move on.
but.
i can't stop loving him. i can't and i need to because its the worst thing ever.
i can't because thinking of everything that happened literally makes me sick to my stomach.
i can't because he's the only one i ever think about.
he's the one i don't want to think about, but i cannot stop.
i can't because i never got to kiss him, i never felt his breath between my lips.
i can't because i spend my days fantasizing about him surprising me,
showing up on my doorstep, telling me he made a mistake.
i can't because i see her everyday.
i see her and i think of what they used to have and i agonize over whether he chose her.
i can't because i don't even know if he chose her.
i don't even know because he is so confusing and frustrating
and he makes everything so unclear.
i can't because he might still have feelings for me.
there is that sliver of a chance and while i know its probably not true,
it makes it impossible to let go.
i can't because i think about being in his arms every second.
the hairs of his beard brushing my cheek gently.
the feeling of his warmth beneath my fingers.
i can't because the way our fingers intertwined was perfect.
it felt warm and soft and right.
i can't because he understood me.
he just got me, right from the start.
and i don't find that often. not often at all.
i can't because we would be perfect together.
i know we would. and it's too hard for me to give up on that.
i can't because EVERYTHING makes me think of him.
crayons. tattoos. band tees. school buses. nose rings.
and every time i see them im completely overwhelmed.
i can't because i practically start crying in the middle of the gym when a song comes on that makes me think of him. which is a lot of songs.
i can't because i've tried and it doesn't work. i want to stop so much.
its just not going to happen.
i can't because i don't see other guys. i don't even see them as being guys.
its like they don't exist to me now.
i can;t because i imagined our insane, amazing, beautiful future and it's all i want.
i thought it was really going to happen and now the pain is eating me up.
i can't because i want him more than i've ever wanted anything in my life.

i can't breathe. i can't focus. i can't be without him. i can't go the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like.

i just can't.

i fell upon a pill so intoxicating I couldn't resist.

bombagoda

"Just because a woman is lovesick doesn't mean she has to take the first pill that comes along"

I have been lovesick for years now, broken by seemingly infallible relationships and bruised by heartbreak. I wasn't looking for pills; in fact, I was avoiding them at all costs. The last thing I needed was a shiny new pill with side effects overriding the benefits that always seemed so dear to me. But I fell upon a pill so intoxicating I couldn't resist. This pill was fascinating, beautiful, the only pill in the world that seemed to be able to make me feel alive, beautiful, and full of hope. This pill was a dreamer, with no doubt about any hardships he couldn't overcome. This pill was an old soul, trapped in a young, beautiful body. This pill had spirit, and interests in things I have always just passed by as common occurrences in everyday life. I didn't want this pill, It was merely to pass the time by in my days of loneliness. This pill dragged me out of the darkness, and into a world of new beginnings, of hope when I thought happiness was impossible. And then this pill moved. Hours and hours away while I was locked down under the fact of my innocence, of my dependence, of my youth living in a household that had a grasp so tight on me I could hardly breathe. This pill moved to a city full of life, where it could thrive and learn at the art school of this pill's dreams. A city of promise and new experiences, while my broken heart was trapped in a suburban town known to promote set-in-stone beliefs and pretty houses and fancy cars. A town promoting one type of people, when all I wanted to do was be with my drug, the drug that listens to the music of the twenties, that has a soul of the fifties, and the unique insight I'm not sure an era has yet seen. This pill inspires me to be my own person, to think deeply about what is important to me, to question my ignorant ways of the past. And soon I will be living in the beautiful city with this pill, flourishing in this town embracing uniqueness, loving the diversity of it, and having hope for those who are too blind to see past the materialism I had been so caught up in. I will soon be able to have my fix, while following my own dreams I didn't quite know I had before my drug drew them out from deep within my soul. My pill is a boy. A boy that showed me I can love again, and not only I can love again, but I can love without limits. Because the miles between us don't matter as long as we both know that my sickness has subsided.

i have been left waiting for too long.

-emillie-

through some twist of fate we found each other. actually, you found me. you, l'étranger, settling in another city, another country. i was supposed to help, i guess that didn't pan out quite as expected...

so we met and we laughed and we shared wine and stories. and i came home with a smile and a promise we'd see each other again. soon. and we met again. and again. and we marveled at how much two lives could resemble one another with so much land between them.

let's be candid. you were good for my ego. but of course you were never supposed to be more than that. if anything were to happen between us it had an expiration date, because at the end of the year you're obviously going back home. so i was definitely not going to get entangled, not going to let myself fall in love with you. that was the plan.

and then you held me. and you kissed me. still i thought i could resist. but every time you kissed me, every time you touched me i cleared out a little more room for you in my life. and for the butterflies in my stomach.

so this was me, not caring if we publicly displayed our affection or who saw it, because it was just not that big of a deal. act, don't think, do not feel!

then the rain came. it reminded you of what you had lived before me. of what you had been through. and suddenly i stopped being your guide and became the person you didn't really know and couldn't bring yourself to trust. somehow i became l'étrangère, the stranger.

and now i'm stuck here. between giving you space to resolve your life and having given you space in my life. and i'm sorry to say, that while i had started to stray from the plan, despite having told you how patient i can be, i just don't know that i can wait for you to be ready. i can't not know if you'll be ready before we run out of time. i have been left waiting for too long.

so could you please, please hurry up?

-L.

love of my life.

weheartit

The person I am in a relationship with wanted to kill me this year. Yep. True story. Yeah, I would say it’s been a pretty bad year for us.

Obviously, she can kind of be a b*tch. The thing is, because she knows me so intimately, she also knows exactly how to hurt me. Usually by bringing up some sordid detail from my (admittedly) imperfect past. She knows, for example, that I had sex with my best friends boyfriend. Scorns me for drinking too much. Chastises me for losing my temper with my mother. Ridicules me for me for my lack of knowledge on politics and current affairs. She knows every physical flaw on my body and draws attention to this frequently. Particularly before I leave the house on Saturday night.

And, okay... I’m a pretty awkward person. No, I mean really. I do the most ridiculous things. I accidentally ended an email to my University tutor with “xx” (yet still didn’t do well in that subject). I fill silences with questions like “So...do you....have....many people....in...your....family?”. Yep. It probably sounds insignificant, but in these situations she will always laugh at me...not with me (see, I told you. Total b*tch).

I’m making it sound almost comical, but this year she’s destroyed my self-esteem. She’s like Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, only meaner. Because of her, it’s really difficult to let other people close to me. I don’t feel worthy. And in some ways her criticisms have become self-fulfilling prophecies. She has told me I’m un-lovable enough that I’m starting to act that way.

The thing is, I can’t break up with this person. I know with full certainty that I will be with this person ‘till the very end. Because this person is me.

Yet, I know I’m not as horrible as I sound. Because I’m on this website. I truly believe in love. And I know most of you reading this must as well. But it all starts within. Last year was painful, but it bought clarity. This year I’m going to really work on the most significant relationship of my life: the one with myself. And I’m starting right now, not on New Years Eve. I want to start 2010 properly.

I know it will require more than just a decision to love myself. Because, honestly, the past year has damaged me. I don’t completely like who I am right now. But self-hatred has done me no favours, it’s time to let go of the inner Meryl Streep: this year I will allow myself to make mistakes in the knowledge that I’m truly trying to grow into a person that I just don’t tolerate, but someone that I truly love. Because, as Oscar Wilde said “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance”.

L. xx (those were intended)

love story

^01: introduction^


^02: a letter^

you can find this on-going love story over at STORIES.
plus you can submit your ideas on how the story goes!

thanks arvida!

it’s easy.

Sometimes I feel like im 17 again. When my skin fit. When eyes fell softly on me. When my wingspan held the weight of me. When fingerprints grazed but never sat on me. My neck and waist were free of them. When empty was good. Only room to be filled. Nothing to be stolen. Taken. Consumed. This pen of many more pounds just weeks ago. And now, ink and words are pulled out of it. Promise spilling out of it. Every night I wake in between a chain of dreams. I gasp. Or frown. Or sweetly hum. Either way, finding the ground. Grounding myself to the reality I will eventually wake again to. Dream. Wake. Dream. Dream. Wake. And somewhere in between them, you slipped under the sheets. One leg at a time. Half dream. Half reality. A bridge between my two worlds. Hands and feet of butter. A thumb pressed hard and slow down me…along where my hair meets my face. Melts me back to sleep. Finding me with each toss. Finding a fit with each turn. Pull the wall back. Let the light in. I want to see you. A hot breath lays thick on your neck. A sweat climbs to the surface of your back. Sticky and sweet. A heat buried in me….alive again. Awake again. Steam seeps out of me. Wraps us. This night gave me back five years. I saw you once when I was a young girl. When I watched my father’s veins swell. And I watched my mother’s chest sink. And my eyes shut just long enough for me to see you. I saw your hands, but not your face. I saw how you would feel, but not how you would look. Between their yells I heard you whisper something that made sense. Your hands, your voice, gave me back 23 years. The only settling we can speak of now is the way the sea has settled beneath me. The way the tips crashed and spun and now sleep calmly on their sea floor.

Settled. Not settling.

You make me feel 17 again. It’s easy.

-CM

but there you are

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here i am, remembering about us again. i don’t know why all this is coming back now. i’ve dealt with it in virtually every aspect of my life, because the similarities seem to come up in some way or another. and you know what? i haven’t let myself fall for anyone again. no one has made me feel the way you could make me feel, and i wonder if anyone ever will.

all i know right now is that i’ve grown up a lot since then. and it makes me smile every time i think about it. i guess because i don’t like to admit to myself that all that drama and all that attention back then, i loved it. i loved it at first when i wasn’t worried of the possibilities that came later. i loved the way you made me feel. i loved how you could always make me laugh, and how many times you’d catch my eye in the middle of that laughter, and for a moment i believed that things could be different.

deep down though, i guess i always knew they never would be.

that was the problem-- you were way out of my league, and i knew that. it made it so frustrating, so ironic, that i couldn’t help myself from having such a hopeless crush. but it was because you were different. you were one of the few guys i always had respect for, you were the one who i laughed with and looked forward to seeing every day. i don’t know if you knew it or not. everyone else sure did. but you gave me a chance, and i let down my guard. i tricked myself into having hope, when i so clearly shouldn’t have had any. and from there, i suddenly freaked out. i suddenly realized how much it was screwing me up, and i couldn’t do a thing about it.

for the past two years, i’ve been trying to let it go. trying to move on with my life, avoiding any brush i might have with the past, avoiding any encounter i think i might have that would change the way things were. they were over. and i wanted myself to believe that.

but the thing is, it’s not over. i guess i’m just now realizing that it’s never going to be over. maybe i should have dealt with it better than i did. but i couldn't, and when i left, things were a mess. they still are. i thought it would go away; i thought i would forget you and everything we once were.

but i haven’t. i’ve wished so many times that i could forget, but there you are-- constantly on my mind, it seems, because tiny little things always trigger my memory. i try to push it away, instead of dealing with it. that’s what i do with anything that makes me uncomfortable. i suppose i should be learning how to understand my own emotions. i certainly have enough of them, and that’s hardly your fault. hell, i don’t even know why i’m writing this. it’s not like you’ll ever know what i think. i am a distant memory to you, if anything. i see you and i can tell what you're feeling. i know things will never be the same between us. you love her, and she's all that matters to you. she's all that will ever matter to you no matter what i do and no matter what i say. and even though every time i see you is a turning point in my life, it will hardly matter to yours.

i guess i should get used to that.

-M

what does love mean to you

A lot of us say that being a third party is bad, but I really beg to differ.

&I talked to someone, probably near but can't relate to, about the new love. Her new third-party love. Weird as it seems, it doesn't seem wrong. Part of me say this isn't wrong, because what we perceive True Love to be is constantly changing through experiences and interactions with others. Break-ups means that one have realised that their definition of True Love is wrong and that it have changed.

Loving is a process like growing up, it progresses. We grow up understanding more and being more arouse with surroundings. From young, we only knew Love is for the Love for basic necessity of growing up, like milk and probably the pacifier. Then we grew older by learning Love is the care and concern that parents give their child unconditionally. As we grow older, Love becomes more cliche and takes the form of simply almost anything - from holding hands to kissing to sexual.

I don't know what goes further than here, and I've yet to experience it myself. Love is just something that people sacrifice their blood and sweat to hunt for it. But in the first place, is it huntable, or has it always been there and that you just made it lost its meaning.

What does Love mean to you? Just companion or something unexplainable? Even being in a love-triangle, doesn't mean it's wrong to love. It's probably just wrong timing.

-D

let me know

fffound

i'm terrified

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I need to write. I need to write, paint, cry it all away. I've found love, as ridiculous and impossible as that is. For me, anyway. I am a cynical person. In everything and everyone, I find fault.

I believe in love, I really believe in love. But for so long I've been too cynical, too logical, too damn scared to feel it.

I don't know where to begin. It all started with a drunken kiss. But in that person I've found everything I ever dreamed of. He has an overwhelming passion for life. An artist. A dreamer. When he looks at me, it's like he's staring at the stars. He see's a beauty I can't even hope to ever see. He can look into my soul, without me saying a thing he can perfectly articulate everything I've tried so hard to hide from everyone. He can't not touch me, stroke my hand, my back.

Anyone else, I would be in heaven. I would jump in and never look back. Even typing this, I feel my happiness being crushed. He's my best friend's dad. 30 years my senior. I don't know why anyone would want to hear this, to hear about this disgusting, sordid little situation. But it's not disgusting, it's not sordid.

I've written pages upon pages of letters and confessions. Paintings, drawings, I'm trying to put it down somewhere so that I can look at it and somehow rationalize it. I've written this email a dozen times. Sometimes I say that it's just too impossible, too hard. Other's I can't imagine having to let him go.

I'm terrified. What if my life, my family and friends, all crumbles beneath me? But what if in years to come, I look back full of regret. This man truly loved me. He wanted to give me the world. And I threw it all away because of fear.

The truth is, I have no idea. But in doing this, I'm keeping him in a state of limbo that is killing him. I tried to end it, I tried to be strong. But there wasn't a single part of me that was sincere. He saw that. He didn't let go easily and now we're back where we started.

Nothing could be more beautiful and true, or more petrifying.

-M

i just wish you knew how much.

hedi

It all started one night in a dingy college bar. The typical over indulgence of alcoholic beverages, something many college students embrace with open arms. However this night was much more to me, it was the night I met you. Little did I know this would be the night that forever changed the way I looked at love. When you pulled me away from that table of overly intoxicated girls in an attempt to save me from any further agony I knew you were different. Our conversation was bleak and meaningless but it was enough to make me want more. I wanted to get to know everything there was to know about you and more.

So it began the little games we all play. Waiting two weeks to establish contact was something I thought little of at the time, because I had not discovered the truly wonderful qualities that make you so unique. From the moment I text you I could tell there was excitement on both ends of the conversation. You asking me to come play and me painfully rejecting your offers in fear you would think I was just some guy looking to get lucky. With every message I was growing more restless. Finally one night while out drinking with some friends I received a text from this new romantic interest of mine, my stomach grew queasy. I knew tonight would be the night I was go to see the girl who I found to be incredibly intriguing.

I grew nervous as I walked alone to meet you. All of this waiting has all led up to this one monument; my heart was pounding through my chest. As we make eye contact you could see the excitement on our faces. Our conversation was fueled by our intoxication instantly we both wanted each other. One thing led to another and that turned in to our first kiss. Tucked away in the corner of the dueling piano bar the world around us disappeared. This was a feeling of ecstasy I have never experienced before. I was hooked and wanted more.

It was from that moment that we shared together in the corner of the bar that I knew I wanted to pursue you. Hanging out with you became my main motivation in life. I have never felt the way I did about you. Not wanting to rush in to the sexual part of our relationship I waited for the right time and it was nothing short of perfect. You seemed so innocent, it was intriguing. It was not until the monument right before we had sex for the first time and you asked “you’re still going to like me in the morning right?” that I knew you truly cared. I was yours for the taking.

This blossomed in to an amazing relationship. Where my biggest reward was seeing you’re beautiful big brown eyes and you’re cute smile. I would do anything for you; you’re nothing short of amazing. However with our relationship came its fair share of problems.

When you drank you became hurtful to the extent I felt as if I didn’t even know you. You would blame it on you being drunk and I would accept this. Now, that I have had time to cope with our situation and our break up. I must ask did the alcohol bring out you’re true colors? Was alcohol what our relationship was based on? I find it very hard to believe you loved me the way you said you did if you can walk out on what we have built together.

Alcohol what our relationship was founded on ultimately was the demise of our relationship. Ironic I must say. This has forever destroyed any hope I once had for “love” to be found in bars. Alcohol brought out sides of us that we would never dare show in a sober state but even with this knowledge we continued to drink and drift further apart. Could it be that we love partying and alcohol more than each other? This is a thought that tears me apart inside day and night I cannot stop thinking about it. How could something that felt so right be so wrong at the same time? And why cannot I not give up and walk away? You treat me like dirt know, I cry daily but will never tell you this because of the fear you will judge me and this will only give you the upper hand in dictating the status of our relationship.

Staring at the blank screen on my phone in hopes you may text or call has driven me to my breaking point. I need to step back an catch my breath. But first you must give me back my heart which you ripped out of my chest that Friday night. I will not allow myself to be there for you, only to have you say and do horrible things to me. However after all of this and the pain you put me through why do I still love you?
I ask myself everyday where is the beautiful girl I fell so madly in love with because you surely are not her. I will forever love you because you opened up to me and let me see the person you truly are. I know who you are and this is not it to the slightest degree. I will be here with open arms when you find yourself, just don't ask me why I won't be able to answer that.

I Love you, I just wish you knew how much.

-M

oh, how he completes me.

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I'm reading all those beautiful stories about lost love, found love, love people never will forget, secret love, soulmates, friends and family. And I decided to tell my story.
I've always been a "player", a restless person that has very easy to have crushes on cute boys but I had only been in love once, with my boyfriend when I was 15.
I had boyfriends after that but
-I wasn't faithful
-or I didn't say to anyone that we were a couple because I didn't wanted to keep the options open
-or I did something on purpose that made my boyfriends break up with me. Then I didn't need to take The Talk and they couldn't beg me to stay, beg us to try because they broke up with me.
I was cold, egoistic and I thought I wasn't capable to love another person, to be in love with another person and thought I was way too troubled to have a normal relationship.

I ended it with one of my crushes this summer and a couple of weeks later I went to a party at a friends place. It was a festival in my town and it was the fourth day of partying. I wasn't very social and the last thing I wanted was one of those drunk unserious flirts.

And I met him pretty early in the evening. He was a friend to my friend's best friend's crush and I thought he was one of those really goodlooking people that knows how hot they are and are impolite and bored if you're not in their league. But we talked and he wasn't impolite - just shy. When it was time to go, me and him went to the carousels and he held my hand because I'm so scared of heights and while everyone around us danced to some crappy coverband, we just stood there and have had more fun that evening than I have had with friends I've known my whole life. And he kissed me and we went to a concert where he held me the whole time and he took my number but I thought he'd never call me.

He did the next day and we decided to meet the next weekend (because then we didn't live in the same city). After that I told everyone I knew, my friends and family that I'd met someone, even if I didn't know what he thought of me or where it was going. We were just like 15-year-olds hanging out, making out, going to the sea, having a great time and getting to know each other.

Then met the weekend after that. And the third weekend we talked about us and decided to be a couple. We've met every weekend (and as much as we can now that we live closer) since we met that sweet summers saturday night.

He did something no one has ever did to me. There is no other guy for me and for the first time I just know he feels the same. Every time I see his name, smell the shirt he left last time he was here, or his shampoo, or if I see things that reminds me of him, I get nervous and the butterflies take over my whole body.

He makes me laugh so much that I can't quit and we always have so much fun with each other. We stay up playing videogames, drinking beer, bowling, kissing, watch movies, talking walks, tickle and tease each other, everything and everytime I have the time of my life.

I love him so much that I can't look at him for more than seconds because I think he's so beautiful that he makes me blush and makes me clumsy and makes me stumble and even if I hold him for hours I can't get enough of him, his voice, his laugh, his scent, his taste, his skin and all those small things and gestures he say or do that only I notice because that's part of what I fell in love with.

Everytime we see each other I want to tell him I love him but I'm too shy and scared even though I've never been so sure about anything or anyone in my life and though I believe he loves me. I'm terrified to get hurt but I love him so much I don't care about that, for the frst time I feel I can't do anything but trust him even if I don't always understand why the world's cutest, nicest, sweetest, funniest, hottest guy wants to have me as his (first) girlfriend. He says he can ask me the same thing; why I would be with him.

So it may be a cliché but real love came to me when I least expected it and "once a cheater/liar, always a cheater/liar" is as wrong as anything can get. I've always said the truth about my past if he have asked, even if it's not been pretty and people say you can make mistakes and you can, but I would never do it to him or do something that would hurt him.
Even if you're scared to tell people how you feel - make yourself say those things! It can be a disaster but then you're friends will be there for you and pick you up and make you heal. It's heartbreaking if you open up and things don't work out, but then at least you know that you can move on. You'll regret it more if you don't take the risk. Everyone is scared so go out there and fight for the love because he or she can be the one you've always been looking for.

He can turn out to be so perfect that you want to scream to the world that he's all you ever wanted, that he's the most wonderful person you've met and when you think you know all about him he tells you something that surprises you, in the greatest way because everything about him is so fascinating and special. And he becomes your lover, boyfriend and your best friend and he's making you so happy that everytime you look at him or touch him, you're thinking that he is the part that's been missing in your two-pieces-puzzle... Oh, how he completes me.

isa

have you ever loved someone like that?

weheartit

I've known her for seven and a half months. We met through a mutual friend, my boyfriend at the time. He was somewhat infatuated with her, it was cute. She was older than us, but only by a few years. We started talking. It was... wonderful. Our conversations, we talked about everything, and bonded over everything. We had our little in jokes and then when my boyfriend and I broke up, we continued talking. We were always talking, almost every day.

We're both busy people, and we don't often have time to see each other. But when we do, it's just. Easy. So simple and easy and straightforward. I never get tired of talking to her. I can tell her anything. Not because I want to, and not because I want there to be someone who knows everything about me. I don't care about that. But because, I can; we can. Over these months, we've grown closer and closer. She's my closest friend, and I'm hers. We talk about sex and love and politics and science. We really do, talk about everything. We compliment each other in what we like, our opinions and hobbies are similar but not so similar that we don't have things to (playfully) ridicule each other about.

She's attractive, of course. And smart, and talented, thoughtful, caring, intelligent. She's that girl you want to hate for being so amazing but in the end you just end up loving her for it. And that's what happened, I love her. The nature of this love, I can't describe. I don't even know myself, honestly. It's on the border between platonic and non-platonic because even though she is one of the sexiest girls I have ever met, mostly I just want to be there for her. Mostly, I just want to make her happy. I like it when she calls me at almost-midnight and rants about her day and I can make her feel better. I can make her laugh. And I like it when she randomly texts me about something interesting and we just text each other for ours. We just, work.

Have you ever had someone where everything just works? I mean, there's friction of course. What with her being a few years older than me. And her current unavailable status. But, still. It just works, everything is so simple with her. And if anything ever is wrong, we can just talk it out.

Have you ever loved someone like that? I hope so.

she got her old feelings back

thanks for this J!!

This is a clip from the Swedish 1970’s movie En Kärlekshistora (A love story)
I think it’s very beautiful.

I also have a story to tell.
When my mom was eleven years old, she dated this boy.
He was in her class and they were boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple of years,
but then he moved away and they had to break up.

30 years later, they met at a high school reunion,
and got back together again.
My mom currently had a boyfriend but they broke up as she got her old feelings back again

as soon as she laid her eyes on her childhood crush.
This summer they are getting married.
I think this proves that just anything can happen

J

hey you.

unknown

It'll soon be 2 years after we've broken up. How we met was really a funny experience. Whoever heard of meeting through staring incident? I believe that he was heaven sent, my guardian angel that was there to guide me along in life. Is it weird to say that I feel in love with this guy just by merely chatting through msn and phone? I've never talked to him face to face before until we got together. I spent my whole time in class messaging him even though he was just in a classroom 2 stories above mine. And I looked forward to every night because it'd be the time that he'd call and we'd talk till it was past midnight. My friends were telling me that I was falling in love, but I didn't believe so. Until the day that I cried because I was jealous over him talking to another girl. That's when I found out that what my friends had been telling me for the past month was indeed accurate.

Even though we didn't talk face to face when we bumped into each other in school, I still remember how I felt whenever I saw him coming or when I saw his backview. That sudden adrenaline rush, the quickening of heartbeat, how everything around me started spinning and slowing down and the only sound I could hear was how hard I was breathing and my own heartbeat. All I could see was just him and at that point in time I thought, "Wow, he is gorgeous."

He was a guy that had heads turned when he walked around in school. Standing at 1.8xm tall, with broad shoulders & nice body, big eyes; double eyelids, fair skin, looking like a pretty boy yet having the American badboy look, it wasn't a question of why girls would oogle at him publicly. How we got together was unusual too, he was shy and was unwilling to say his feelings out to me directly. But he showed his feelings through his actions. How he took note of my feelings, the way that I spoke and the way I sounded through our text messages was remarkable and.. stunning. It's like he could see right through me to the deepest of my heart and he understood how I felt without me saying a word.

I remember everything since the day we were together till the day that things ended between us. How we could just go around shouting in public not bothering if anybody thought that we were crazy because all we wanted was just to see each other smile & laugh and that'd be enough. How he showed me a side of him that nobody has ever seen before - a gentle yet vulnerable side. He was mine, and with just him alone I was very contented with life. Because life with him was never dull, I had something to look forward to everyday, even if it was just a smile. I remember how we'd walk in supermarkets pretending that we were married, cooking dishes; doing house chores; playing FIFA & betting on soccer together.

I'll never forget how his eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he laughed or whenever we met. How our bodies fitted so perfectly together - hands & shoulders. How his tone changed when he was talking to me compared to when he was talking to someone else. How he always winked at me when other girls were oogling at him to give them a hint that he was my boyfriend. How protective he was of me when guys tried to get near me and how he loved playing tricks on others.

I remember begging him to stay after each time he left. Sounds stupid but I never regretted it, because I'm happy of the fact that I once loved somebody this much, and to me, he was a very very very special person in my heart.

It has been nearly 2years now, and I've been in a couple of relationships only to realise that I broke it off because I didn't love the guys. Why? Is loving someone that difficult? Or is it because I don't have the ability to love anymore? It's a shame to know that I still have butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about us, him or when I hear his name. It becomes worst when I see him face to face, I don't even know what to say, how to react or what I should do. I just go blank and I'll be in a trance afterwards.

It sucks even more when I realize that I compare every guy that has interest in me to him, to the very fact that they're not him. And you know what the sad thing is? Some of them might even be better than how he was, but I guess I'm never able to see that. Because I'm afraid to fall in love again? Or is it because I haven't really gotten over him? Are you really able to love someone subconsciously? Even without you knowing it?

Am I feeling this way because the body remembers how it feels like whenever I hear his name? Or is it because something has triggered somewhere inside of me that makes me feel this way? Memories.. they hurt and they build me up.

He has moved on, happy with his girlfriend. And me.. it's been quite some time since we've last spoke or even met each other. But I really do hope that he's doing well. Don't know if there's any chance of him seeing this, but still:

Hey you. Be happy with A no matter where you are okay. Remember if you ever need someone to talk to , you can always count on me. Don't know if you still remember me, but know that I'm always here.

-K

i love you? you know i do.

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My body might be shallow to the touch
We don’t mind though,
Do we?
Do you?
These girls are inside-out
I hope you get me right side-in.

And I think of that one night,
Together, breathing, twisted
Beautiful.
You saying you think I’m beautiful.
I tried so hard not to Cry.

Singing, skinny love, in your car
Do you remember how we started?
Basements.

Never a tear touched my pillow then
So how come now, when everything is perfect
I wake up crying?
I think,
What will I do…
When this is over.

I told you once that I like how we do things.
No months.
You told me we do things right.
Well,
I think we should celebrate.

We are only this young for so many twisted nights.
I want you to have them.
I want you to have it.
Why am I crying, and
Why am I afraid to say
I love you? You know I do.

-Lady

it wasn’t right

ffffound

He was my best friend. That one person in my life that truly meant everything to me. I knew that no matter what I did or what I said, he always accepted me for who I was. He loved me no matter what. And not just like a friend.

I knew he had those kinds of feelings for me, I always had. Our friendship started with him saying that he was in love with me. We had known each other for a while then, but only very shallow. I had a small crush on him too, so we started hanging out. While my feelings grew into friendship, his only grew stronger.

We were both very open with how we felt about each other. I think that is what made our friendship so honest, deep and strong. For almost a year, we hung out almost every day, and became the best of friends but nothing more. I hated it. I could see how he just fell apart every time he saw me with a boy. Knowing that it was I who made him feel like… It created a big hole in my heart. I think it was these feelings that made me do what I did.

During the summer we almost didn’t see each other for two months. I missed him more than anyone else and in the back of my head; I started to wander if I wasn’t falling in love with him. I created these pictures in my head of how I would tell him and how happy he would be and how easy our relationship would be. Because we already knew each other. It would be perfect. And easy. Maybe I should say that around this time, my life was anything but easy. At home, it was chaos, I hated school and I had just gotten out of a relationship that was horrible. I needed easy.

At the end of the summer when we finally saw each other again, I decided to tell him. We kissed and I asked him if he still was in love with me, which he was. But I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t right. Kissing him didn’t make me feel all happy and walking on clouds. It made me want to get out of there. I wasn’t attracted to him at all. When he wanted to kiss me, I turned my head away, when he wanted to hold my hand, I put it in my pocket and when he wanted to see me, I made up excuses so that I couldn’t. All that was supposed to be so easy was just so wrong.

A few weeks went by and he started noticing. Finally, he confronted me and asked me what was going on. At that point, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t lie to him. So I told him. I told I didn’t have any feelings for him, and that I probably never had. I told him that it just had been so convenient to be with him. I wanted him t be angry, I wanted him to yell at me, but he didn’t. When I cried and said that I was sorry, he took me in his arms, stroke my hair and told me that it was going to be okay. That he would always be there for me, that he always would be my best friend and that I could never lose him.

So we continued to be best friends. We didn’t even mention it again. All he said was that I meant too much for him, he had t see me, even if it meant just being friends. Weeks flew by and it was all back to normal. Until one night. I had had a bit too much to drink at a party and so right in front of him, I made out with a boy I didn’t even know. 3 am that night I got a text message from him where it said that he couldn’t see me anymore. It hurt too much.

That night, I cried. I cried for two weeks. I couldn’t believe what I had done to him. My best friend who I loved. Hadn’t I hurt him enough already? I was playing with his feelings like it was just another game. I was supposed to be that person he always could count on. And now, I had destroyed him. Since that night, I haven’t met him or talked to him. It was six months ago. And since that night, a huge part of my life is missing. Just because I wanted something easy.

- A

you are beautiful

james + richard, weheartit

ps: can you believe that tinypic.com took down the top pic?? close minded jerks!
it is not inappropriate at all!! :/ i'm now hosting it with photobucket...hope they don't have the same views.

mum

weheartit

I don't really know how to start this but i wanted to add a different type of love.

I have for the past 2 years been seriously ill,
i have had to give up everything that makes me,
such as my education,my freedom,my past times and my friends.

I don't think i could have had the will power to keep going on
if it wasn't from the support of my mum.

She is the one who takes me too and from the hospital.

She is the one who comforts me when i am in pain.

She is the one i tell everything too.

She is the one who believes in me and never doubts me.

She is the one who seen me at my lowest points and still tells me i look beautiful.

She is always there for me when ever i need her.

She is my best friend in the whole world.

I love her too pieces

I didn't realized till recently how incredibly lucky i am to have her.

-RA

because she is me

olivia bee

I hate the girl that is so in love
I hate the girl that is so in love she blushes the minute he walks into the room
I hate the girl that is so in love she Can’t think of anything but him
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes speechless
I hate the girl that is so in love that the only movie she can see is The Notebook
I hate the girl that is so in love she feels sick When he is not with her
I hate the girl that is so in love she imagines their entire future together
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes naive
The reason I hate this girl is because she is me. You might be wondering what the reason for all the hate is. The reason is simple, the girl’s love, my love was and will never be answered
　
// Mia　

how the fuck can you be scared of love?

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Somtimes I wonder what I would answer if my friends asked me if I was in love with him. Now, they would never question because I'm really good at hiding my feelings due to years of practise. But IF.

"I don't know" I might say. "I'll admit that there is a certain tension between him and me that I don't feel I have with anyone else." Then, after a moment of thought, I might continue: "But, what I do know is that sometimes I want to stroke his back so bad I can't barely stand it, and sometimes I make things on purpose just so I can be near him. What I also do know, is that I'm scared. So awfully scared."

The ting is that I don't want to feel anything. At all. But sometimes the feelings attack me so hard I can't ignore them anymore. They push and push and push, until they finally come through, and then, usually, I run. I can't bear to deal with them, and I certainly can't deal with the feelings that comes after. When you've been hurt. And you always get hurt.

I never let anyone in. It takes years of good behaviour to make me trust a person fully. Much because I've been let down. Hard. I've poured my heart out to people who only stomped it and threw it away. Such things hurt. And leave marks. So, in many many years I've never let myself feel anything for anyone, I've run when I couldn't ignore the feelings anymore. I've run so awfully much, in such an awful long time, and I'm so awfully tired.

So, this time, I shave sworn to myself to stay put, to not run from them. The feelings that make me want him to hold me. The feelings that, when he looks at me in a certain way, are so overwhelming that it takes all of my self-restraint to not move over and kiss him full on the mouth. The feelings that makes me pee myself out of fear.

I really don't know what to do. People tell me loving someone is the greatest thing in life, but I know how you feel when you get hurt, and I know running is easy and it spares your feelings, and... And I'm babbeling. I always do when I'm scared. And I'm so awfully scared right now.

How the fuck can you be scared of love? I truly must be an idiot.

-S

i really really wish it was

johanna wallin

He's one of my closest friends, and honestly, we tell each other everything, we make each other laugh, we help each other through just about everything, we're there for each other when no one else is around. It could be perfect.

If only it felt right.

I've known him now for six years. But I think I speak for both of us when I say 'the feeling' just isn't there.

I don't get butterflies. I don't constantly think of him. I don't loose sleep over him. I’m not put off eating. When I look at him, I don't have the urge to hold him. The feeling of what I class as love, isn't there.

But in a strange way, I really really wish it was. He's the nicest guy I’ve ever met, he's brilliant, we work well together, he's unbelievably good for me, I've seen how he treats girls fantastically. My words could never do him justice. Why in the hell don’t I see him like that?

How can I see the guy that I loved the most like I did, when deep down I knew it would go wrong, I knew it wasn’t ‘forever’. How can I love him. But not my friend? Wait, I do love him, but in a friendship way.

My point is, I know you can’t choose would you fall in love with. I wouldn’t want you to be able to choose. Part of the excitement of love is not knowing where it’s going or is its going to be.

Just in my perfect world, we’d love each other and things would be so wonderfully simple.

Anonymous.

i was so naive

ffffound

I've decided to tell the story. Of a love that wasn't suppose to happen. It wasn't in the cards, yet somehow, I fell madly, deeply, crazy in love with this person, who would later break my heart, and shatter my world.

We worked together. We would glance at each other, and smile as we walked by each other. He would come and order from me, and I would make some sarcastic joke and we would laugh. It was casual flirting, and really I didn't find him all that cute, but it was fun. It entertained me.

I asked him to come out and have a drink with all of us after work. He turned me down. And I was ok with that. No big deal.

A few weeks passed and my boss and I were going to a local bar, and I asked him to go. (January 5th to be exact). This time he accepted. We had a few drinks, and we kissed. I don't remember the kiss too well (those few drinks really hit me). My boss pleaded with me not do anything with him. But I was a big girl. We made out, tried to go a little further, but we both had too much to drink, so we stayed up and talked all night. I let out everything that I had kept inside for far too long. It felt amazing.

We got up, we went to work. He left shortly after he arrived. He didn't say goodbye. This hurt. But I wasn't going to let it get to me. But I left work early anyway. I went to my neighbor's and had soup and slept there.

Over the next few nights, I had talked to a few people about him. My shift manager said, "You know he is married, right?" I was furious. I was not that girl! I was not going to be the whore that he cheated on his wife with. I totally had written him off.

Then one night, I heard a knock on the door. My mom answered the door. Surprised when someone asked for me. I heard his voice and my stomach dropped. I now had to confront this guy. I stepped outside, and with my arms crossed, I said, "I heard you are married." He explained that it wasn't the case. His ex frequently told people they were married, but they weren't and it was over. I was relieved. So I invited him in. I introduced him to my mom and she gave him the inquisition. She went to bed shortly after that, and we stayed up and talked. He left shortly there after that, but I wrote down my phone number and gave it to him.

The next night he called and I had no idea who it was. But as soon as I found out, I was all twitterpated. I had butterflies going in every direction. I asked him if he wanted to come over and he said yes. So that night, I begged him to stay. After much convincing and puppy-dog eyes, he said yes. We talked and slept in each other's arms. I was so happy.

We decided to take it slow. Neither one of us was ready for a commitment, we just wanted to have fun. We weren't going to sleep together. We developed an insane friendship. We would go on long drives and talk about everything. He had become my best friend and slowly I was falling in love with this man.

For my birthday, he brought me a dozen roses, and then left because of how I was acting. He left a note, but I was too drunk to care. He later came back and stayed the night, only because my mom begged him to. I cried later at the thought of losing him.

On our days off, we would take drives. He would take me to the mountains and it was so beautiful. We would hike and see waterfalls. He took me to the beach one night, and we just walked around and we held hands and walked in the sand. I was so insanely in love with him. He would kiss me and my knees would go weak. We then went and had pie at one of the cutest cafes. We would always bring one home for my mom. We would listen to music and he would always look at me and smile. I felt like I was floating. What did I deserve to have this in my life?

One night, in mid March, we were out driving. It started out just driving around. And somehow, we ended up in Santa Cruz. He parked the car and told me to wait in the car. I had no idea what was going on. He had rented a hotel room right on the boardwalk, you could hear the ocean through the window. We walked down the pier and watched the waves. I was in awe of the ocean. He took me back the room, and we started to kiss. And he told me it was ok if we went further. We made love that night. It was incredible. We took a shower afterwords, crawled in bed and slept. The next day we walked on the boardwalk and I had my first fish-n-chips and calamari. He was opening my world to such a new place. And I had finally told him so, and I told him I loved him. And he couldn't say it back. He told me he didn't know if he was over his ex.

Over the next few months, things just got better. We took a week long trip down to Southern California. I loved being with him. I loved having him hold me. I loved making love to him. Every part of him made me happy. He even got a key to my house.

He tried to leave a few different times. These should have been my clue. The first time, he watched me cry and beg and plead with him not to leave. He told me he couldn't do it anymore. I was devastated. The next morning, he showed back up at my door and apologized.

He did it several more times, always coming back. And like a fool, I took him back. I was so naive.

One night, he stood up to my mom (she had been rude earlier during a dinner between his family and mine) and it pissed off my mom royally. He wasn't allowed back in the house. So we tried making it work but taking drives, making love under the stars and windmills, by talking a lot, and he told me he thought he was falling for me. I moved out of my house so that we could be together, but slowly we started to drift apart.

One morning, getting into my car, I saw his ex calling him. I asked him, who it was and he lied. I told him I knew he was lying. And slowly those lies became a part of him. And apart of me. I wanted nothing more to keep him. So I lied. Mostly small, but about two big things... things that I hoped would keep him around. Nothing worked. He distanced himself further away from me until there was no more. I would lay on the floor, unable to move, feeling my heart break. I would cry hysterically, it hurt so bad.

He had gone back to his ex. And I was left devastated. He had been cheating on both of us. For a long time. I was just too blind to see it.

The last time I saw him, 9 months after our first night together, he and his girlfriend confronted me at his mother's house. He told me he loved her not me. I thought I was going to be so sick. My face was red with anger and with trying to hold back the tears. I remember him stopping right before he left to go be with her, and looked at me, but I couldn't look at him. Too many tears had already been shed.

I would hear from him 2 more times. One through a phone call to tell me how horrible of a person I was when I lied to him and he found out the truth and the next an e-mail to tell me how sorry he was. And that he wished me nothing but the best.

3 years after we met, he is still ingrained in my brain. Sometimes, I will dream of his arms holding me. Sometimes, he will be in my dreams. Sometimes, I believe he calls me. It comes from an unknown number, but I swear that if I still think about him, he has to think about me. How did I feel so much and him feel nothing?

I still think about what would've been. I miss his friendship, but I feel like I made him into the person I wanted him to be. I miss him. I miss his arms, but not the pain. So today, I say goodbye to it all.

Here is the story of a love that was lost. But only because I had so much more to gain.

-CT

before sunrise

thanks danica!

lost hope

weheartit

I've lost hope in love. I'm done. I can't deal with anymore broken hearts. I'm so fucking done.
I can't handle anymore nights crying over some asshole.
-Teresa

je t'aime

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the kind of guy

weheartit

The kind of guy who will watch me work
getting charcoal all over my hands which eventually
make it to my cheeks and he’ll laugh at me but
wet his thumb with his tongue
and gently take them off my
elbows and my
face

The kind of guy who wouldn’t mind taking his shirt and pants
off for me in the privacy of my studio
to sketch, but of course
I probably wouldn’t subject him to that
kind of thing in the first
place

The kind of guy who’d hold my hand and not my ass when
we walked around town and other places
and talked then he’d tickle me and I’d give
chase

The kind of guy who cries whenever he feels
sad or broken up inside or happy
he’d let me dry his tears because I wanted to
and let me comfort him any time he needed
grace

The kind of guy who doesn’t mind that I’m not like
magazine people cause I’m healthy that’s all that matters
and he says watching the waistline is a waste of time
I’ll be a lady eventually and after all its puberty and just a passing
phase

The kind of guy who’ll lie in the curve of my midnight sleep
and hold me close and when the morning light comes he’ll
still kiss me despite our morning breaths but also
if need be he’ll leave me alone and give me my own
space

The kind of guy who loves every single part of me
for being every single part of me on their own with nothing special
because ‘I’m everything special already’ he
says.

-Joolee
__________________
happy anniversary to you both!
xo

those stars spoke to me

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the summer could be defined as sunrise. nearly everyday we would escape into a world of nicotine and stars. those stars spoke to me. and you're the one i shared my dream with. it was that sky i needed to sink myself into. for the past year, of orange haziness, i dreamed of feeling small and in awe again. i deeply absorbed the quietness of the early morning, the sound of silence that you grew up with, but i rarely experience. it's amazing how much noise just one car makes on the road a mile away. and how the wind blowing through the trees sounds just like busy the inner-city highways near my apartment. we saw shooting stars one after another after another after another. i tried to keep up with the wishes. nervous with anticipation; we barely knew each other and now we were sharing sleeping bags from the back of your subaru. i made a dent in the hood of your car. every time i think of that i giggle on the inside; sorry. there is a part of you i haven't touched yet. but i suppose those feelings take more time than we had. we drove to clear and open roads, to trespassing hidden locations, to parking garage rooftops, to the base of the mountains, to the edge of town by the refuge, to desolate parking lots and barren laundr-o-mats, to hot tubs belonging to expensive resort hotels. it was fun.
it was awkward. it was silent and i was shy. but it was so so beautiful. if anything is certain, we both share that love for the edge of a new day.

-cg

a young couple

directed by barry jenkins. he also gave us tall enough from this post.

i adore this short!!!

xo

i want to wake up where you are

lyricalgraphics

what if one day...

red

I have loved B for the past year. For me, a year is a long time to like somebody – to have your heart balloon every time he texts you, to secretly smile every time he asks a favour, to laugh at all his bad jokes. A year is a long time to love his scruffy beard, to love the way his forehead crinkles when he’s stressed, to love the way his presence makes you feel safe. In my mind I measured B up to other guys, to see if there was someone out there who was better for me. But none of them ever compared to him. He was perfect. And in that entire year I couldn’t find one flaw, no matter how hard I tried.

But then one morning this week, I woke up – and I didn’t love B anymore. (So I guess you can’t really call it love to begin with, can you?) His perfection had suddenly melted away. His steadfast beliefs I had so admired now seemed to be self-conscious, and his confidence seemed somewhat self-absorbed. In that one morning of clarity, I soon became aware of all his flaws. I no longer believe that he is perfect, nor that he is perfect for me.

I still care for him, but I no longer love him. By no means were we superficial - we shared our hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears. So what scares me is that I don’t know how this sudden change of heart happened. Falling out of love shouldn’t be that easy.

What if one day, in the future, I wake up one morning in bed with my future husband, only to find that I do not love him anymore?

-h

anniversary

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november 6th marked Le Love's first year!!

thank you all soo very much for your support and for your contributions!
i get hundreds of submissions a day, so needless to say this has turned into something way bigger than i anticipated!
i am so happy to be a part of it + look forward to the next year.

it's just me behind the blog so i do want to address the fact that i am extremely backed
up on e-mails. it's awesome to be getting so much, yet i know that may of you may feel unheard.
i promise i am doing my best!!!

THANK YOU!!!

xo

♥

and I wonder if he ever would.

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It was nearly two years ago when he entered my world. There was no magical chemistry shared, no fairy tale first meeting, it was not a love at first sight moment. It was simple and realistic. He was invited over by his best friend to join us for a meal before I had to fly back home the next day. He was cute and friendly in his boyish charm.

A few days later I accepted a friend request from him. By doing so, I had not expected an adventure to develop. A romance. The emails started out superficial. Surface level. But as time went on, and with each response the emails started to form depth, insight and understanding. Revealing and exposing ourselves. I started to know him. And him me. I started to fall for him. For his dreams, his thoughts, his passions. He became my ultimate crush. I kept this to myself, how silly it was to fall for someone over emails.

It would be a year until I would return. He was true to what I had thought him to be. I was nervous to be around him. He gave me butterflies. We walked down the pier, as I questioned him about his likes, his loves, his dislikes, his dreams. Everything. I wanted to soak him in. I wanted to know all about him. I had not spent enough time with him, let alone time by ourselves. The night before I left, he helped me packed. He gave me a look that I would never forget. Nobody ever looked at me that way. With such desire. Such admiration. Such regret. I wish I could have seen me through his eyes.

I returned home. The emails continued. The friendship deepened. My feelings intensified. It was more than a crush. He was a boy I was madly and deeply in like with.

I returned back two months later. We went on our first date. He took me sailing and then spent the night driving all around the canyons in hopes of satisfying my thirst of seeing a coyote. The night was slowly coming to an end, but neither of us was ready to end it. So rather than entering the hotel driveway, he detours at the very last second and heads down to the beach. We spend the night welcoming the early hours of the morning Talking. Laughing. Making plans to runaway to New York for an adventure.

So that is exactly what we do. We meet up in New York 2 months later. It was the epitome of a cliché chick flick. It was all about jazz clubs, museums, picnics at central park, bookstores, burlesque shows and running around in the rain. It was about ending the nights on the fire escape, drinking cheap wine, smoking, talking, laughing, tender touches, and watching the sky turn from black, to purple to blue and finally going to bed at 7am. Entangled limbs under the white sheets.

I had found a city I was in love with and a boy that had captivated my heart, mind and body. I had not thought it was possible for me to like someone this much. To feel this way. Like my heart will explode. Like I’m on the edge of going crazy if I don’t see him. To crave his touches. To be so desperate for his company. Joy and pure bliss was never suppose to come hand in hand with hurt and misery.

I had just returned from seeing him a few days ago. It wasn’t the same. It had become real for me. I realized he knew me. All aspects of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And he was still sitting there next to me. He was a genuinely good, simple, tender hearted man with flaws and faults I was clearly aware off. And I was still by his side. I wanted him, with his shortcomings and imperfection. All of him. I had never felt my heart to be so fragile and delicate. There was nothing more in this world that I wanted than for him to ask me to stay. To come back. To runaway with him. To be more than a seasonal fling. To be more than just a summer romance. To be his. A real opportunity to give what we have a chance. But he didn’t. And I wonder if he ever would.

-A

i want you

weheartit

i just need some helpful words...

tfs

you see, i’ve got this problem. this big, huge black cloud that i can’t discuss with anyone in detail. i say i, it’s more someone else's issue. but i must bear the brunt of it. no one will understand, or they’ll be embarrassed, like i am. they’ll fob me off with lines like, ‘oh, you guys should talk’. i’d say the same thing if someone asked me their advice on the same issue. but i’ve tried talking. talking gets us to the same point every time. i should be gentle, considerate, compassionate. but these are all very difficult when one is also trying to fight off pangs of lust and pure desire at the same time. i am essentially driven by love for him, it’s why i’m still battling this big black cloud that’s beginning to create a shadow, it’s all for him. and i’ll never stop until we succeed. i just need some helpful words, some kind of direction. someone to tell me that this is all fixable, to base my hopes on.

my boyfriend is 20 years old, and i am the first person he will sleep with. i say will sleep with because we struggle. he struggles. i am trying very hard to spare blushes by omitting the gritty details, because that's not what it's about, having mindblowing sex. it's about being one with him, the intimacy. but he can't. he struggles. and it's breaking my heart.

-matrioshka.

chick porn

bittenbound

“I do know that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life”
[Runaway Bride]

“I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.”
[When Harry Met Sally]

“I think I’d miss you even if we’d never met.” [The Wedding Date]

“You had me at hello.” [Jerry Maguire]

These are all lines from a genre of film I affectionately refer to as… Chick Porn. Why chick porn? Well when put into context of how we, as women, view “regular porn, ” as unrealistic portrayals of a man’s idealistic view of a woman, it’s exactly the same. Chick Porn is a woman’s unrealistic view of an idealized man. We watch these movies (currently Runaway Bride is playing on my TV) and develop these subconscious expectations of our boyfriends, husbands, or future spouses. When life is less glamorous than breakfast at Tiffany’s, we blame the guy, when really we bring this upon ourselves. I’m not implying we should all swear off romantic comedies and dramas (obviously, I’m watching one even now), but I do think that we should be aware of how they affect us. I know for some friends, this means that they literally cannot watch movies that make them lust after a fictional scenario and for others it means bringing the knowledge of reality to the forefront of their minds and not holding anyone accountable to ridiculous expectations.

Life is not a movie, much to my dismay. You don’t always meet your soul-mate dancing in the rain or on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, but who wants to be in love with a story? The real thing is better.

-Allie

ever again

dropular

I have someone I love very much. But this story is not about him.

It’s a about a man from 1,320 miles away who somehow ended up a few feet away from me in the lecture hall. Smart, attractive, funny, with a way with words I’ve never heard before. Twisting words and phrases to paint beautiful pictures of the world I knew. I saw what I always did, but it was much more colorful than ever before. I’m a smart girl, not easily impressed, but this guy captured me. He’s so special, but can’t see it himself. He tells me how special I am, but it’s not the same and I can’t wake him up to it. I probably won’t ever meet anyone like him again if I live for a hundred years.

One day, while in his dorm, he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him. The only thing I said was, “I’m a bad person.” He asked why and I responded I have someone I care for very much. He didn’t mind and I didn’t have the willpower to stop him. This happen for another four consecutive days. I finally said that I couldn’t do it anymore because I was betraying the person I cared so so so much for. He cried and I felt like the worst person to have ever walked the planet.

Days following, this man persisted. While telling him that I couldn’t cheat anymore, the spell he had over me broke. He blamed societal rules and the way I think. He did not want me to “be” with him. Simply to share passion. He could care less if I had a boyfriend as long as we could share passion until his research scholarship is over in a year. Then he’ll just pick up and leave like this life here doesn’t matter.

This outright selfishness and juvenile response gave me a hard slap in the face. I feel like this was my test. Much like Sir Gawain, I didn’t pass, but I didn’t fail. For the rest of my life, this will be a reminder, my green sash. I never had a passing thought about betraying someone before, and I never will again. This lesson showed me there are capturing people out there, but there’s not another person made so perfectly for me. I won't find one if I searched for the rest of human existence. I’ve found him. I know it. And I know, short of insanity or death, he is the man I will marry.

I will never,

ever,

take him for granted

ever

again.

-LG